Inner Chaos » Thoughts http://gab.nyuu.org/blog The sum of all you ever knew equals zero. Tue, 04 Nov 2008 21:08:33 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6 en ?! http://gab.nyuu.org/blog/2008/11/04/337/ http://gab.nyuu.org/blog/2008/11/04/337/#comments Tue, 04 Nov 2008 18:05:34 +0000 Gab http://gab.nyuu.org/blog/?p=337 Given:

  • One cup of Twinings vanilla & coconut tea.

  • One bag of Toblerone mini chocolates.

  • Five Firefox tabs with websites regarding C++ libraries and applied fractal geometry.

  • Eight Firefox tabs with information on company profiles and organigrams, management tips and websites of organizations related to company indexing according to various criteria.

  • One OpenOffice Writer document autosaving itself every 10 minutes, even if it hasn’t changed for the last couple of hours.

  • Three archived folders with book scans related to the above mentioned company stuff.

Required:


  • Project sketch for the first chapter finished by 22 o’clock.

  • Some general idea about the whole project structure.

  • Going to bed at 22:30 or 23 o’clock at most.

Current state:


  • Staring aimlessly and hopelessly.

  • Yawning, overcome with boredom.

  • Feeling like reading some more classical literature.

  • A general wth-ish feeling.

Solutions:


  • ?!

]]> http://gab.nyuu.org/blog/2008/11/04/337/feed/ Aethereal http://gab.nyuu.org/blog/2008/10/01/aethereal/ http://gab.nyuu.org/blog/2008/10/01/aethereal/#comments Wed, 01 Oct 2008 02:45:52 +0000 Gab http://gab.nyuu.org/blog/?p=331 We’re growing fond of ghosts, again. Over and over, perhaps, just like an ancient curse dwelling on the outline of our shadows. But they treat us in such delightful ways, that we forgive them for everything, even when they hurt our trust and our pride.

We love them, and yet we couldn’t say how much or why exactly, but merely because things just fit into place. We love them, and yet we can’t share it with them, hoping however that they have long since understood it, the same way we understand them when they say something that makes no sense and yet we can find meaning in it.

Thus, for split seconds, we can forget that they are phantasms… and actually allow ourselves to dream.

Obsessive song of the day: Lara Fabian – The Dream Within.

]]> http://gab.nyuu.org/blog/2008/10/01/aethereal/feed/ Louder http://gab.nyuu.org/blog/2008/09/17/louder/ http://gab.nyuu.org/blog/2008/09/17/louder/#comments Wed, 17 Sep 2008 19:44:36 +0000 Gab http://gab.nyuu.org/blog/?p=327 What do you do when everything you once knew and loved is gone before you even realize it? What do you do when you feel like everyone betrayed you? What do you do when you know you deserved so much more, for everything you gave away out of unconditioned love and sheer hope? What do you do when you don’t know what to do anymore? What do you do when all you would do is cry and scream – a mother who lost her child… all over again.

And your head feels like it’s spinning too fast, and your eyes hurt and can’t take it, while your mind feels like it’s been stepped over by the rails of a tank. And your heart – writhing like a fish out of water, no more than a couple of spasms – now lies broken.

You cared too much, again.

Obsessive song of the day: Coma – Morphine.

]]> http://gab.nyuu.org/blog/2008/09/17/louder/feed/ Cycles http://gab.nyuu.org/blog/2008/08/21/cycles/ http://gab.nyuu.org/blog/2008/08/21/cycles/#comments Thu, 21 Aug 2008 20:26:53 +0000 Gab http://gab.nyuu.org/blog/?p=311 The easiest way to replace addictions is through other – less harmful – addictions. And this seems to work with habits, as well as hobbies, spare time activities, job routines or even feelings.

Stars fall, stars die, stars get born… and we follow our own patterns, taking proud and graceful steps on the ways we uncover ahead.

Obsessive song of the day: Juno Reactor – Masters of the Universe.

]]> http://gab.nyuu.org/blog/2008/08/21/cycles/feed/ Gemini http://gab.nyuu.org/blog/2008/07/31/gemini/ http://gab.nyuu.org/blog/2008/07/31/gemini/#comments Thu, 31 Jul 2008 01:23:10 +0000 Gab http://gab.nyuu.org/blog/?p=308 Her words could have as well come from your lips, while her mind was so much like yours that it was almost funny to notice. And in her eyes, you could read the same dried oceans and the same warmth hidden deep inside, struggling to resurface above the self defensive icy barriers.

She knew you, just as you knew her. And suddenly words were obsolete, while waves of feelings started to flood a dried out organism. Get reborn with them, through them, alongside them.

]]> http://gab.nyuu.org/blog/2008/07/31/gemini/feed/ To whom it may concern… http://gab.nyuu.org/blog/2008/07/08/to-whom-it-may-concern/ http://gab.nyuu.org/blog/2008/07/08/to-whom-it-may-concern/#comments Tue, 08 Jul 2008 08:58:22 +0000 Gab http://gab.nyuu.org/blog/?p=305 Because a few days ago I received certain comments regarding my blog posts, that I should stop writing my “nonsense” and start doing something useful instead, and because those comment addresses have from now on been marked as spam, there’s an answer I’d like to give.

Stop reading the blog. Leave, move on, read Google News or Ctrl+Alt+Del, do something worth your while and never ever turn back here, please.

]]> http://gab.nyuu.org/blog/2008/07/08/to-whom-it-may-concern/feed/ Dance http://gab.nyuu.org/blog/2008/06/18/dance/ http://gab.nyuu.org/blog/2008/06/18/dance/#comments Tue, 17 Jun 2008 21:48:36 +0000 Gab http://gab.nyuu.org/blog/?p=304 It is the symphony that the sea waves compose while bathed in moonlight that make your eyes bleed with passion. It’s the same primordial water that unites you, with the daring crystals of salt that gleam away all the bitter thoughts.

And, as time flows backwards in the hourglass, floating on the wings of the shifty night breeze, you let yourself fade in their embrace and start dancing to their tune…

Obsessive song of the day: Shpongle – Once Upon the Sea of Blissful Awareness.

]]> http://gab.nyuu.org/blog/2008/06/18/dance/feed/ Prisms http://gab.nyuu.org/blog/2008/05/11/prisms/ http://gab.nyuu.org/blog/2008/05/11/prisms/#comments Sun, 11 May 2008 16:19:39 +0000 Gab http://gab.nyuu.org/blog/2008/05/11/prisms/ We love spring because we feel alive again, with fresh energies flowing through our veins, with fires burning in our eyes. But what happens when spring settles over a graveyard, and the only life that blooms are the weeds that entangle the dead?

It starts raining outside, with drops that do not come to wash away, to purify and to deliver, but to mourn. We hate rain because it carries discomfort and pain in its tears, we never let our soul dive into the tiny drops and experience its ultimate freedom. Thus, the rain mourns for our loss of perfection, while we grow small and miserable trying to take cover from it.

Smile, move along… and let us show you how beautiful the rainbows manufactured in icy labs can be.

Obsessive song of the day: Samael – Rain.

]]> http://gab.nyuu.org/blog/2008/05/11/prisms/feed/ Of Archways and Demons http://gab.nyuu.org/blog/2008/03/31/of-archways-and-demons/ http://gab.nyuu.org/blog/2008/03/31/of-archways-and-demons/#comments Mon, 31 Mar 2008 20:21:20 +0000 Gab http://gab.nyuu.org/blog/2008/03/31/of-archways-and-demons/ Take a walk through a cathedral. Let your sight caress the cold stone while your tears will compensate with heat.

Sink into prayer, sink into mantras, sink into curses, sink into oblivion. Abysses enshroud, abysses entangle, abysses engulf…

Abysses deliver.

Obsessive song of the day: Pink Floyd – High Hopes.

]]> http://gab.nyuu.org/blog/2008/03/31/of-archways-and-demons/feed/ Night-moths on her wings… http://gab.nyuu.org/blog/2008/02/20/night-moths-on-her-wings/ http://gab.nyuu.org/blog/2008/02/20/night-moths-on-her-wings/#comments Tue, 19 Feb 2008 22:01:16 +0000 Gab http://gab.nyuu.org/blog/2008/02/20/night-moths-on-her-wings/ They say that ignorance is bliss and that they lose their pain bit by bit with each bottom of glass they reach, that it’s all easier once you dive in and let yourself drawn in and drown without feeling anything but calm, sinking into round circles of colourful smoke and jingling bottles of abandon and artificial joy…

They say that once there was a seven-headed goddess who had a different creature for each head and who gave away each and every one of her wild minds in order to experience humanity, but then withered away because they never told her the human mind was too simple to grasp all her feelings…

Show her a way and she will follow it, small steps taken one in a thousand years. Give her sand through her fingers and she will grow you an ocean, place tree roots on her path and she will climb mountains, tease her with ashes and she will rekindle ancient fires, grow her wings… and she will fall at your feet.

There was once a seven-headed goddess who was happy for a second. And then the liqueurs they were praising failed her.

Obsessive song of the day: Elend – A Staggering Moon.

]]> http://gab.nyuu.org/blog/2008/02/20/night-moths-on-her-wings/feed/