WordPress 2 is out, so I’ll go rtfm and update the blog asap. Back to more or less techy stuff again. * yawns *

Pretty days, tiring days. I forgot to write about the winter solstice on the 22nd of December, oops.

I really liked one of pysyka’s blog entries, it depicts very well some feelings I had a while ago. And that thing with the masks totally knocked me out. It made me recall just how many times I used to say that I can’t take off my masks anymore, I’ve become them and they’ve become me and there’s only void or rotten flesh at most to be seen behind them. Now I was just thinking that I’m really glad for having been directed to her blog, there are so many things I read there and find among my (more or less published) journal entries… It’s almost fascinating. I wanted to post some words as a reply there (I really wouldn’t have done that, but I was so taken aback by what she wrote this time, that I couldn’t help it), but it needs registration and I have no idea whether she’ll approve a new unknown user-reader or not.

Oh, and for the holidays spirit & all that, maybe I’ll try to build my own gingerbread computer. And I should go look for The Aristocats and Alice in Wonderland Disney animations and for the 1999 version of Alice in Wonderland.

Time to sleep, time to dream… again.

LE: Hmmm, that trackback thingie is quite tricky. I should really look more into it someday.

Categories: Entertainment, Sci/Tech, Thoughts
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We pray to shallow skies in a world where faith is obsolete.

There are moments when you feel like running and screaming till you drop dead. But you don’t, you just lie down in a comfortable bed and curse the fact that there’s nobody there to go bring a glass of water when you get thirsty. Even the phone is too far away so you don’t even bother answering. Sometimes you even get cold, but even the blanket is in another room.

So you just curl your body like a baby and hope that you’ll feel a bit warmer, then try to fall asleep. Sleep will annihilate all the bad things, sleep will chase away the monsters around you. But what about the ones it reveals to you? Those will keep haunting you, the warmth of the blanket won’t make them go away, the phone won’t ring louder than their voices resounding in your head and the glass of water won’t just wash their hideous images in an instant.

You’ll forget about them only in the same second when worse ones appear. Then they get together, powerful like a proud army of elite mercenaries with the only purpose of overwhelming your mind.

Hush now! Don’t cry, little baby, let me tuck you in, hug you goodnight and turn off the lights. You’ve been a good child, no harm shall come to you. Hush now, go to sleep…

I guess we lost our faith
while we stand and wait
until nothing ever happens.

The Gathering – Rollercoaster

Categories: Nonsense
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I’ll be off to Bucharest for the weekend, again (and again, and again… – as my mind tends to echo).

Although I don’t have specific plans, my schedule will be quite weird and full in the one or two days I’ll stay there. This time I’ll spend the night at a good friend in Regie, we haven’t seen each other for quite a while now and I get to talk to her far less often than I’d want.

Anyway, as usually by now, there will be a J* meeting. Yes, we’ve got ourselves quite a tradition by now. There will also be a CHiP meeting on Saturday, but I’m quite sure I won’t go there, although I probably could.

Aaand on Friday night we’ll also have the results for the Secret Santa we’re doing on J*.

Fun.

Categories: Entertainment, Thoughts
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It’s not a game, it’s not a hunt, it’s not a competition. And yet I fear I will back up at some point, even if I don’t really want to. Why? Because of my fear of failure. Because there are a thousand ways to fall once you are up. And they all hurt. Badly.

In acts of desperate ambition fueled by rage, I’ve done some things I wouldn’t have dared to do otherwise. I knew I’d regret them later, but some random masochistic urges whispered “Do it now, this is the chance. Later you’ll lament about it, but what’s done is done.” and I’m afraid that has been the only way to a personal progress these days. Stepping forth, on and on, towards nothing in particular is not that easy otherwise. Reasons seem to fail to show themselves to me lately.

So you’ve lived. And then you’ve died. And I saw your expression on his face, I’d never realised it before that you’d resembled him so much, that his face is the way your face was supposed to look after decades. I wasn’t really able to grasp the fact that you won’t see what I’ll become, how I’ll grow up and have my own future to live freely. Sparkling glory in magnificent crowns of laurels, hearts pulsating with tremendous joy, pouring it out through proud smiles – and then there was darkness.

Yesterday I dyed my hair red.

In the beginning, when we were winning, when our smiles were genuine…

Manic Street Preachers – The Everlasting

Categories: Nonsense
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I wonder how many of the people who celebrate this day do so because they feel like doing so, knowing what it actually meant, and how many just go with the flow, trying only to look interested in something they actually don’t give a damn about. In theory, nobody is explicitly asked to celebrate some ideals they never believed in, especially when they can barely even catch a slight glimpse of what their true meaning is.

Hypocrisy can be involuntarily induced because one’s psychic can’t cope with reality otherwise or merely adopted by free will – but who other than a more or less insane individual would choose the latter option?

I want to see a military parade today. I want to see the soldiers marching on the main streets with their weapons and flags dancing in the wind. I want to hear our national anthem or Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony. And I’d do these things just for the beauty and pleasure of doing them, nothing more and nothing less.

Happy birthday, Romania!

Categories: Art/Culture, Entertainment
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